Bereavement Counselling Neil Wood-Gaiger BSc (Hons) Psych; Ad Dip CP; Dip Hyp CS; MBPsS; MCS (Acc); MHS Hypnotherapist ~ Psychotherapist ~ Counsellor

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Loss, Grief & Bereavement Counselling

The psychological effects of grief may include any of the following reactions to loss including feelings of sadness, often in a society that shuns sadness, the client may find sadness difficult to express, they may be discouraged from expressing these feelings by others around them, who, not wanting to confront their own emotions may encourage a ‘stiff upper lip’; loneliness is often experienced following the death of a loved one, especially when it means that the person now has to live on their own, we seek company and experiences feel more real when they are shared, during bereavement, this sense of shared existence may be lost, leaving a void expressed in loneliness, the empty place at the table a constant reminder of their departure; regret, yearning,longing, and wishing that it had not happened and that they can undo the past and have the departed back again may also feature in grief. Although these emotions are almost expected of someone bereaved, to the extent that others may criticise someone who is not showing sufficient grief (this behaviour may be a coping strategy to mask grief) others may appear more difficult to understand such as fear and anxiety, including the fear that they may die as well or anxiety over how they will be able to live without their loved one, they may feel unable to see how they can be happy again. These emotions can become overwhelming and they may feel anger that they have been put into the position that they are going through. They may not understand the force of this anger, feeling ashamed that they are blaming the one they have lost, or the anger may be directed towards others or God, blaming them for taking their loved one away. Feeling of guilt may materialise either over these feelings towards their lost loved one or directed towards others, or feelings of guilt that they could have done something, or not done something so that their loved one would still be alive. They may be suffering from shock, a process that helps to numb the system so that coming to understand this new situation takes place at a rate that will not overwhelm the client.

The bereaved may also be experiencing what some might consider to be improper emotions such as relief or emancipation, these feelings may follow having to nurse someone who was terminally ill, or someone who was in a previously abusive relationship, the death may feel like a weight has been lifted from their shoulders and that they can now have the life they could not have had when the deceased was alive. Although, these feelings although seemly positive, can be the harbinger of guilt over these feelings. Feeling relief or even glad that someone has died is considered socially unacceptable and creates a conflict between the knowledge that the pain of the departed has ended and regret that they suffered and died or being able to express anger that they were sick.

Therapy will not dismiss any of these emotions, even when directed towards themselves, it will not offer sympathy in a ‘there, there’ approach saying that ‘everything will be alright in the end’, someone in the mist of grief maybe unable to see an end. What therapy does is recognise that these are all part of the normal healing process and a necessary step that each individual needs to go through on their particular path to creating a new life, with its own hopes and expectations, without the one they have lost. These emotions are normal and leaving them unacknowledged, or worse dismissing them may cause them to fester and return as future unresolved psychological trauma.

The 5 stages of grief to help understand the normal feelings that many experience during the grieving period. These phases are as follows.

• Shock, experienced at the actual time of loss, the bereaved denies that the loss has actually happened. The situation has not reached their conscious; they simply cannot believe what is happening. This emotional state allows the reality of the situation to be slowly assimilated, at this stage people will often appear to be coping well and may give the impression of not caring.
  
• Separation and pain phase, signified by a growing realisation as to what has happened. This period can see clients experiencing their darkest emotions of loss and despair, they will often be very distressed and those around them may feel unable to help. They may tell of dreams and hallucinations, seeing the dead person.
  
• Despair is accompanied conflicting moods and feelings that for the client maybe difficult to understand, depression is often a common feature and people may find lack of motivation to carry out mundane everyday tasks, it is associated with feelings of great pain and pointlessness.
  
• Acceptance, this phase may still be associated with mood swings and bouts of depression particularly around special occasions such as anniversaries, however, there is a feeling that things are at least moving in the right direction. They may start to meet new people and find periods when they are able to enjoy themselves, although these feelings maybe offset by feelings of guilt that they are getting on with their lives.
  
• Resolutionand reorganisation, sees new patterns of behaviour being developed in which they are not reminded of the deceased, although m emories can be b rought forward, of both the good and the bad times, and discussed without causing too much distress. They will be able to talk positively about future plans.

When it comes to bereavement therapy the needs of the individual are uppermost.

To book your FREE initial consultation call Neil anytime on 07968 465933 or email any questions to neil@woodgaiger.co.uk   Back to Home Page

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